So I did ‘everything’ last weekend and felt great, right until I didn’t….

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

A friend of mine had a birthday party last weekend and I was invited, as Maddie of course. Despite the challenges of the previous weeks, ceasing HRT etc etc, I felt it was important to make an effort and attend. Especially so as she had previously arranged for donations of clothing to help me present as Maddie at work from her other friends and those friends would likely also be attending.

It’s been 12 months since anyone has been near my hair with scissors, so last Thursday…


I think in writing this I might potentially be clearly demonstrating to anyone reading that I have no idea what I’m doing with hair! (Or perhaps life in general)…. Last Thursday morning I impulsively went to the hairdresser and had a number 3 clipper to my sides and back along with a good chop with scissors on the rest.


Douglas Adams was wrong, it is not ‘42’.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

In Adams 1978 Radio 4 production and subsequent novels, TV, Movie. The Earth apparently was actually a giant supercomputer, created by another supercomputer, ‘Deep Thought’. Deep Thought had been built by its creators to give the answer to the “Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything”, which, after eons of calculations, was given simply as 42”. Deep Thought was then instructed to design the Earth supercomputer to determine what the Question actually is…... then it was blown up to make way for an intergalactic super-highway…. oops.

Erich Fromm was a German…


Affecting behaviour and responses into Adulthood.

I figured it might be useful to start to try and understand a little more about how our past affects the here and now. In particular how a traumatic experience when you were a child can have a profound impact. Personally the deeper I contemplate my own childhood I’m coming to understand that certain events and experiences then, have led to unhelpful behaviours throughout my life to date. In particular the escapism of transgender daydreams. This is important as I’m learning to accept myself as a whole person, male and female and not see…


I recently watched a TED talk on shame by Brene Brown. She said, “If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgement. If you put the same shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” I got shivers up my spine as I thought about my transgender experience. …


The Role of the Amygdala in Fear and Panic

The definition of fear has proved to be an elusive mystery plaguing scientists. While there is much agreement as to the physiological effects of fear, the neural pathways and connections that bring upon these effects are not well understood. From the evolutionary standpoint, the theory is that fear is a neural circuit that has been designed to keep the organism alive in dangerous situations (1). How does it all work? Learning and responding to stimuli that warn of danger involves neural pathways that send information about the outside world to the…


People with a significant ABI regularly report that they struggle with many of the listed reasons people report for wanting to try ICE…..

“To try and have fun and feel good”

“To forget or help cope with problems”

“To fit in / feel part of a group”

“A belief that everyone else is doing it”

“To escape reality”

“to loosen up and cope with anxiety”

“To be rebellious”

“Out of curiosity”

“Out of boredom”

Therefore an increased risk of becoming addicted to ‘something’ exists for people with an Acquired Brain Injury .

Ice addiction is no different to any addiction…


Pain, Depression, Anxiety and the effects on your physical health

Over the past 15 or so years I’ve sought support and medical intervention for multiple physical health challenges. These have ranged from Fibromyalgia pain in my hands and feet, Migraines, recurrent headaches, Cardiac arrhythmias, diverticulitis…. There’s more but you get the picture right? These medical difficulties have all been ‘treated’ with varying degrees of success but as I’m now facing the potential of bowel surgery my thoughts have turned to whether these things may be interrelated and have a common causation.

Everyone experiences pain at some point, but in people…


Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I think a lot of us would say we desire to be wise. For me it’s true — I want to be a wise person. But often I suspect deep down I don’t mind not being wise so long as others’ perception of me is that I am, in fact, wise. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” Wisdom, it seems, is one of those unattainable goals. Just when you think you’ve got there you realize how much more there is to learn. …


Collection of all Articles written between Dec 2020 and April 2021.

Love can be shown in so many ways.

Some people love buying gifts.
Some love big displays of affection.
Some just need to hear the words “I love you.”

I’ve seen many photos of bare streets over the last year with sombre comments underneath, and while it is sad, that’s not my overarching emotion when I see those photos.

It’s love.

Its love from the restaurant owner to someone he will never meet. It’s a sacrifice of his income to make sure that stranger is safe.

Its love from the person whose birthday it is who says…

Maddie

Emerging woman whom has lived her life so far as a male.

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